Start your day with devotion.

December 4th, 2011.

I'm no romantic when it comes to rain. It doesn't matter if I'm headed to class, hanging out with a boy I like or listening to my favorite band play at ACL; a moment has never been made sweeter or dearer to me because the heavens opened up.

I love hating the rain when indoors, however, because it makes even the basest of activities more attractive. Folding laundry? Moping that filthy dorm floor that's never going to look clean no matter what products you attack it with? Hey, at least you're not outside in that miserable mess. Even staring-off-into-space boredom and extreme slothfulness felt appropriate today. No regrets, just a stomach full of cookies and a mind blissfully untroubled by studies.

But happy indulgence turned to apprehension during my belated evening reading of Utmost. (Oh, and my apologies for immediately slacking off on the launch of this new project. Sharing my opinions is a passion which, due to two solid years of neglect, causes me more anxiety than pleasure these days. However, it's a new day) And even though today has held some sweet moments, from quality time with Lindsey and Paige to doing lunges in the dorm with half of the girls form my hall, I can't help but wonder at its hypothetical alternative, had I begun my day with the devotional I intended to.

The Law of Opposition

Oswald Chamber's divides his thoughts for today into three major conclusions, which will (hopefully) provide structure to my ramblings:

"Health is the balance between the physical parts of my body and all the things and forces surrounding me."

Oswald may just be developing his logic for the spiritual assessment to follow, but this initial statement forced some reflection from me. This is mostly due to my current increased health-consciousness caused my a laundry list of pesky symptoms which are pointing me at anything from anemia to a thyroid disease, according to Web MD. And that's exactly my problem, there never seems to be time enough for a check-up. Even when there is, I am hesitant to leave a doctor's visit and, having been diagnosed with some malady, having to make follow-up appointments which will further tighten the schedule on my busy finals week ahead. My over-arching attitude: there is simply no time to be unwell.

Can't help but think of the parents once you reach this phase of the "real world", can you? I have zero recollections of my father taking a sick day, yet the number of high school days a parent phone call spared me far outnumber the times I have truly been unwell. And yet he never complains, just keeps doing what is required of him to provide his family with all our needs, be them real or falsely perceived. My mom too, never stops. Morning till dark are spent caring for my dependent brother, maintaining our home to the remarkable standards we've been spoiled with, and being readily available for all kinds of emergencies.

As necessary as it is to serve, maybe we underrate looking out for ourselves. If I am unwell, how can I minister to others?

"If I want to maintain a strong and active mental life, I have to fight."

My stomach really dropped when Oswald extended his thesis to intellect. He describes maintaining a meaningful mental life as a struggle which produces "the mental balance called thought," which I think is a rather beautiful way to phrase the idea. It's easy to let our brains go unchallenged, especially when there's studying to be avoided or a social, emotional, or spiritual problem that we'd really rather not face. And I cannot help but think that's why I didn't touch my bible once until this evening, nor cracked open a textbook. Instead I centered my attention on mindless tasks, such as laundry and vacuuming. Thought may be the necessity for mental health, but it also forces os to challenge ourselves, to acknowledge the inconsistencies and imbalances in our existence which holds us back. And that's exactly why we must continue to pursue our thoughts to the furthest corners of our mind.

"And spiritually it is also the same...anything which is not spiritual leads to my downfall."

Why do we let so many things slide? T.V. shows we watch, comments we make, conversations we shouldn't have and a multitude of daily exertions serve only to weaken our connection to Christ, our connection to the purpose of our existence. And yet it feels impossible getting around it, to avoid social networking, lethargy, anxiety, self-depreciation, vanity and indulgence. Ours is a pleasure-centered culture, and allowing ourselves to be made uncomfortable through physical, mental, and spiritual efforts feels a lot like something that should be avoided, something fearful in its necessity.

The cool thing, though, is that God really is there for us during this epic battle of good and evil, of the right and wrong way to live. In John, chapter 16, he lists some problems which we are bound to face in this life is we decide to challenge ourselves and follow him, but also says, "These things I have told you, that when the time comes, you may remember that I told you of them." Isn't that comforting? When life feels overwhelming, when it feels like the only way to cope with our responsibilities and adversaries is to avoid them, God is here to help us out if we choose to bear the weight. He's seen it all already, he knows the struggles we face. And yet he invites us to "be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."

He overcame the freaking world. I guess I can manage blocking out time for prayer, devotion and homework.

Here goes nuthin'

Despite the urgings of some well-intended friends, I have put off this blog for as long as possible. I don’t know if it’s the hesitancy of establishing a personal commitment (the most difficult kind, as you need not fear letting anyone else down) or the discouragement I experienced from my first blog, which—despite my good intentions—transformed rapidly from cool, collected thoughts into petulant ramblings. (Seriously, the only comments those angst-y posts ever saw were inappropriate spam and lots of Chinese characters.) My unwillingness probably stems from both of these concerns—just throw in inherent laziness and my first semester in college and you’ve got the perfect recipe for a project that is discussed ceaselessly but never approached.

But times are a changin’, I tell you. I’ve got some classic reasons for wanting to take up the metaphorical pen, most of which are self-interested. But this time around I want to add in a twist that will hold me accountable to this page, as well as make my posts a bit more interesting and easier for you kind, encouraging friends to endure. I plan to post pictures, life updates, and creative inspirations to this blog, for sure. However, there will be one thing I am guaranteed to discuss every day.

Two years ago I was in a dark place. It started with an unwelcome move to California the summer before my junior year of high school and stretched into the start of this past summer. It was the product of isolation, (mostly imagined isolation that only became real when I acted upon it) self-depreciation, selfishness, an unhealthy relationship and a lack of faith. To tell you anything more about it would make me run the risk of creating another moody middle school-flavored blog, but you get the idea. It was a dark time, though, and a little devotional book called My Utmost for His Highest saved my life. Well, technically, this was all by the Lord’s hand, but he made his appearance through pages of Lindsey and Paige’s Christmas gift to me. It’s a pretty fantastic little book, full of good inspiration and challenges. And I want to make it my personal challenge to read it; I mean really read it, every day. Then I’ll try to make some sense of it and share my interpretations with you, as well as some anecdotes regarding how the day’s lesson influenced my actions or thoughts for the day.

In the interest of time, I am officially taking up the challenge tomorrow. I may or may not have a Spanish oral interview tomorrow over thirty different stories. However, here’s my foot in the door. And a little food for thought:

“Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hands to do so.” Proverbs 3:27

(Ironically, Solomon goes on to encourage one not to put off until tomorrow the good that can be done today. I think he ought to cut me a little slack, though. It's been a while and writing feels strange.)